Everyday Sexism

F7 | LIFESTYLE by Kelechi Iwumene
May 14, 2016
4 min read

It was Saturday and I was working an eight hour shift in my part –time retail job. I was at the cashier till training a new employee when my female colleague appeared out of nowhere to tell me that there was a customer in the fitting area taking pictures of her on his mobile phone. Still in a little shock and disbelief, the customer emerged from the fitting room with the items of clothing he tried on— apparently. He was an old, frail, white haired man that looked Middle Eastern. My female colleague immediately left for the shop floor. However, instead of waiting by the cashier for me to serve him, the old customer followed my female colleague to ask if she could serve him. I stepped in to assist the customer who purchased his items and left the store.

I was stunned at how the event unfolded: my female colleague testified that his perverted picture taking was done indiscreetly; there was no tone of shame or guilt in his voice when he spoke to me; and the perpetrator had to audacity to continue to sexually harass my female colleague on the shop floor. I doubted whether anything wrong was done in the first place; it felt so normal. And yet by reading Laura Bates engrossing book Everyday Sexism, I knew deep down that something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right in witnessing an individual have to silently suffer from the passive yet sexually aggressive actions of a perpetrator. It made me angry. I should have ordered him to hand over his phone. I should have confronted him about the allegation but I didn’t. I just served him like any other customer and watched him leave the store and walk out into the sunshine.

Everyday Sexism is a collection of statistics and stories that help to articulate the struggles women face every day they wake up. Society constantly objectifies, sexualises and treats women as second class citizens. Laura Bates is a British feminist writer whose book tackles the gender inequality found in perceptions about femininity and masculinity. In the book, Bates covers everything from women in politics to the discrimination girls have to face growing up. In all instances, women are pressured into playing silent, submissive roles before their male counter parts. The type of statistics mentioned in the book will shock you:

- 90% of victims of the most serious sexual offences know the perpetrator (Ministry of Justice, Home Office & Office for National Statistics – ONS, 2013)

- The UK comes 57th in the world for gender equality in parliament (Inter-Parliamentary Union, 2013)

- 95% of 16 to 21 year old women would change their bodies. (Girlguiding UK, 2009)

The average female executive earns £423,000 less over her lifetime than a male worker with an identical career path. (CMI, 2012)

And if the statistics don’t shock you then the stories will:

- When I was about 9 years old, my dad started calling me ‘thunder thighs’. I’ve never felt comfortable in shorts ever since.

- A guy at my work told me he’d get me fired if I didn’t have sex with him. His brother was the boss.

- I recently posted comment on an online article on lads’ mags in supermarkets in support of them being removed from the shelves. The response I got underneath? ‘Are you a fat ugly lesbian then?’

This book is a game changer. I knew that women were facing gender discrimination but I did not know to what extent. This book has opened me up to world I didn’t even know existed. It’s making me accountable for how I speak and treat the women in my life. Bates’ book has inspired not only females but also males too. Many men are beginning to speak up against the sexist behaviours they witness.

At the moment, there is generally little being done by bystanders who witness sexism, but this is gradually changing. Everyday Sexism offers practical tools for its supporters to fight back against sexual discrimination. Instead of confronting the perpetrator and potentially putting your personal safety at risk, how about comforting the victim? Let her know that what has happened to her should not go unnoticed.

I think this book should be introduced to the national curriculum and taught in colleges across the country. Young men and women need to un-learn what it means to be feminine or masculine. We need to stop allowing the internet to teach our children about sexuality. We need to stop feeding the youth, unrealistic expectations about sex that devalue women and destroy relationships.

The campaign for gender equality across all sectors is important but what stood out to me from the book is the complex and subtle methods used to reinforce sexist ideals in modern society. Blaming the victim and protecting the perpetrator only encourages the prejudice. Labelling victims, who protest, as ‘frigid’ and unable to ‘take a compliment’ needs to be abolished. Employers need to take the complaints of sexual harassment in the workplace seriously. And the media need to stop fetishizing different social, religious, or ethnic groups of women as exotic, or promiscuous or judgemental.

I wouldn’t identify myself as a ‘male-feminist,’ but I would say that reading the stories of these women has urged me to speak up about it—and that’s a start.